Having a story like this about the Sphereworld that constantly evolves from being this basic "tree" of thoughts and dreams to something tangeble is wonderful, and i wish everyone out there would get the chance for atleast one of those moments of clarity when everything in life acctuly make sense.
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27/11 and Hmmmm... it sure are strange how a day in ones life can be so different even thou it on the outside looks so much alike as the day before did.

Atm it feels like im on top of things once again, after doing a couple of things i normaly despise in doing (intervene in someones thought process). i have bent the rules as pretty much far im willing to bend a rule in my life, and it looks/feels like i have passed a critical junktion in my life, by doing so.

after four wonderful days in a row im going to get a weekend on my own again but this weekend will be more like a dream then opposed to the last weekends nightmare wait...

Star trek DS9 season 6 is the only season of DS9 tht really is worth seeing but ill try pain my way thru season 7 now during this weekend.

its soon monday...

ps

I hate waiting for really good things....

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21/11 and im on page 122 in my book about the Sphereworld. Today, finally today after more then three or ten years, depending how and what i count I am once again living completly on my own. Got nothing to care about more then my son tht is over at his mother most of the time anyway, and a GF tht is home at hers spending time with her children over the weekend. Im half expecting a new textmesage that says she needs time to think.., I also expecting her mood to swing once again at any moment. She says shes having her montlhy thing on schedule but women with sudden unexplainable mood swings have been proven wrong before in those matters in my life,

on the down side i have recently learned something new about myself, and tht is tht im getting really annoyed for some reason when a GF says she needs to go home to rest or something like tht, after her spending "only" a few hours of a day with me, I belvie her but still i "over"react so instinctivly and intense, and it bugs both her and myself tht i react like tht.

think it basicly is something about, it is me tht has to have my time cut short with her as soon there is something "wrong" in her life, but no one elses in her life has to do tht. i react to or something like tht.
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Grattis
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19/11
Well, well... life sure is interesting.

Emotional roller coaster up down up down and then up again

Get together, break up, get together again, break up, get together again, break up, get together.

And it´s the same "standard period" as it always usually happens in my relationships

(have since long ago felt like it is some common human rule tht a person after 2-3 months start questioning the other one in a relationship)???due to the initial interest have calmed down by then???

well well i cant hardly wait for tomorrow to see what that day brings with it.

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its the 9/11 today and i got ramed by an "aeroplane" when i got one of those "pesky" textmessages saying she needs time to think...

...and althou i know she has some stuff to think thru i still hate that kind of textmessage.

Its is times like this i truly hate being me, and that i so strongly belive in the freedom of choice and that it would be ABSOLUTLY totally wrong of me to influence her thougt process in any way even thou my personal feelings say diffrent.

I have lost deep DEEP loves before due to this reason that I dont want to influence the choice of others just becuase I want the choice they make to be of their own choice; a sort of a TRUE choice that they make, without me having to second guess them forever afterward if they just "choose" me because i influenced them or if they choose me because they truly wanted me.

Det är stunder som dessa i livet jag verkligen saknar de där riktigt få speciella "sanna" vännerna och att kunna få prata med dem igen och få dela deras tankar om situationen i fråga.

I know that im am the total underdog in the case above due to many reasons, and id give it a less then 10% chance that she is going to "fall my way" in her choice, but even thou it is a small chance it is still a chance. I know i am total sucker when it comes to issues involving my feelings for others and like always im totally and utterly defenceless in a cases like this.

Sometimes I just wish I was a one of those persons that just grabs and takes what ever they want without any regards for anyone else. (even if it involves lying and/or taking advantage of some others weakneses)

Think i have read her textmessage over and over now at around 15 diffrent times since the 10h ago i recived it and althou the first hour went to type a kind of answer that i sent her saying some lame mushy stuff about me understanding her "being divided and feeling shattered" and that she knows where to find me.

Althou i havent given up the hope in any way, im extreamly "caushus" and I´m being as far, far away one can possibly be from any happy smiles.

And yet there is only a few days since she did and said to me some certain personal things that one DOES NOT say or do to someone unless one truly mean it.
(at least in my book of the world)

on the down side there have been plenty of signs on the negative side (for me)also so i truly understand and belive that she are being divided and feeling shattered inside and that she needs to reach some kind of fork in her road and decide what way she wants to go.

BUT yet still while i understand her... I still hate getting a textmessage about it,,, and that is atleast in my book a big NEGATIVE sign that she is more leaning toward the "bad" way away from me//If she not already have reached that "bad" conclution and just want to soften the blow for me........BAH!!!

I know tht i am not going to sleep any good tonight so ill just for once try to watch some Star trek (DS9).....oh i know its a really bad sign if I pick to watch Ds9 but then again im in a reallllllly low mood atm.

she havent responded to the text message i sent her now 8h ago.

I watched Kill Bill both parts and an episode of CSI earlier tonight with the mother of my son in her bed (without any sex ofc)and it was a pain to not being able to speak about this "text"mess i have talked above but since I do not want her to get any ideas about us getting together again (which is totally out of the question)I couldnt bring my self to mention it since i KNOW my ex wants to have sex and I really does not feel for having it with her again after what happend earlier.

And i do not want to yet again use my friend (tht Izobel Wright) is based upon in the sphereworld saga since there is a slight chance she could speak about it to my sons mother and i really dont feel for having that discution with son mother ( i have really good friendship evolving with my sons mother and i really dont to mees tht up) althou i know that she wants more then what i willing to give her.

BAHHHHHH i cant stop thinking on the Textmessage....

I SO HATE phones.. SO HATE EM, One (ME atlest)cant truly tell what the other one is really saying on the other end.

read the freaking textmessage Again ( certainly for the 20th time now)BAHHH!!! its so not saying enough!!!!

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! im going to get crazy if i do not get some kind of response from her to my textmessage to her.....

But then again She have asked for time to think so ill guess my only option/way is to give her tht time and HOPE she chooses me.........

On some other offhand note refering to the sphereworld saga i can say that i did draw during the weekend a now half done picture of the bridge and some of the souroundings i see in my mind tht chapter 29 (and maybe chap 30) is involving around.


BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Great, is a good word these days. and i just might/just might, get some lines typed on chap 29 this weekend.
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Early winter knocking on the door here in Sweden,(it was white a few hours this night when I woke up in the middle of the night way to early)and as i stood there in the window watching out on the shallow snow I couldnt help but think on that it really soon christmas and all those things again. Man does the years fly by in a speed or what feels almost as if i was 10 years old just a year ago.

With the Sphereworld story slowly progressing in my mind i find it hard to almost impossible at the moment to even start the Word program even thou i got the weekends mostly all by my self.

and even thou i know i will get up at 5am to get ready to meet her when she comes over at 7am the entire weekend feels so empty that i cant get a single word written on it.

But at least i know the story is progressing in my mind on the small details ,,,Bah 6h left until its time to get up,,, not a chance that i will get to sleep before 2am here tonight as im way to eager to see her again,,, i wonder if i got something that i could watch that could more or less knock me out in a few minutes... hmm.

and yes im aware of the fact im rambling with my typing but hey its getting late and in the mood to type fast so ill just keep the words flowing, and ill see if i push the update button down there when im done.

Hmm Stand by me, could work as a movie i could quickly fall asleep to with its rythmic score and i like Richard Dreyfus movie´s (im not sure if i typed his name right but hey its late.) long time since i last saw it also so ill try get the old video working so; type you later and ill promise that ill watch and read all that you write and publish.

I miss the spring, long for the summer, in love with the autum and i eagerly await the white snowy winter.

FFS cant it just become 5am now so that i could get moving with everything, I truly hate waiting for something that i really want...

Hope the movie works as a sleeping pill or im soon back here typing away the night.....
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It would be a joke even to try say im trying to work on the Sphereworld story when im not. At least i got around to clean up my page from non sphereworld stuff. I have had a few thoughts and it just might be that the next part to become published in the sphereworld story might just become a Co worked swedish version of the "2nd hidden story" or maybe even one of those extra added "fan fiction" chaps im inclined to one day perhaps add to enhance the depth of the story. But since I/We cant concentrait on anything other then ourselves more then a few minutes i stongly suspect its gonna take some time before anything is going to become published.
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was in the bath sometime during this weekend when i realized tht i might need make a diffrent chap 29 and push the original chap 29 forward a bit to try explain more why certain events are happening like they are supposed to go on as i have seen them in my thoughts and im a bit uncertain about what is the best way to tie the 2 diffrent "earth" stories together as im going to use the basic idea and the symoblism of the Bridge theme i have seeded in the story as both a divider and something tht tie the 2 diffrent sides of the river together. but im stuck on wondering if there is some symbolism in the bridge theme tht i have missed or forgoten tht could fit into the story as the "desert" story is supposed to cross "over" and merge with the H-F story line. (crucial i get this rightfrom the begining will be to late to change after this point)

but the text below is still viable as i cant focus on anything atm more then what we will do tomorrow, so i have some time to think about this for now
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Zero ability to concentrait on anything a.t.m.
Chap 29 in on hold for now.....
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After a few weeks of solitude and real contemplation (while i am slowly building chap 29 in my head)but i cant BUT laugh once again to what life holds in store for one, in its mysterious "perhaps" predestined ways, this friday i accedently bumped into the person that Ibiliz Lilac in my story is loosly based upon and its not everyday you get a second chance with someone so i agreed to a later friendly drink and talk someday in the near future since i was buzy at the time, but one cant help but think how mysterious everything could be turning out...

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There im back online after a few weeks without connection,
Hmmm life... you never know how the next day is gonna turn out to be,
Im finally after many years... back home again, depending on how one count, but id say its been around exatly 5 years since i last was home. so lets see how long my friend´s internet connection holds up before they turn it off. (she got a BF just before i lost my GF) so now wer "switching" places with each other as she will keep her end of everyting for now. Been merging all my new stuff with my old stuff for the last week and it is turning out ... to become more full then it has ever been before,

I did manage to start write a few pages yesterday on chap 29 so its in the loop and i can see about all happening in the chap so who knows i just might get to post it in a fourtnight. (and chap 29/30 will not be the season finale for year 2 but it will be coming up in chap 31/32 (not sure how im gonna divide that part of the story yet.
Miss my son today but ill soon see him.
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Slow days behind me and life goes on in the pace that suits me exellent, seen uncountable episodes of Sg1 and been totaly off into the blue having it just good.
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There the first words are scribbled down onto "paper" so the process of writting on chap 29 have started.
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There chap 28 is loaded and its time to really think hard again
(love this phase of each chapter when everything comes alive and the "movie" starts to roll in the mind vision cinema.)

chap 29 ..or 30..depending somewhat on where the "movie" mentiond above takes me, will be somehting tht might become a bit like an earlier chap and tht is a bit trouble some but then again it might turn out to be an advantage and it will be extreamly interesting to see if many of my small threads of the storyline i have planted in earlier chaps before will come together as i hope in the commoning chaps 29 and 30.

there is a few things i need work out why it became like tht and try make sure it fits in with later events but i reall hope 29 and 30 will tie alot of things together and and at the same time in chap 31/32 start of the new season with a bang(Season 3),

I SOOO hope the season finale of season 2 will hold up to my expectations as i have seen it play out before.

im so curoius to know if the cliffhanger of season 2 in some form and way have ever been told in a story/tvshow like its supposed to play out before.


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Please enjoy start read from the prechapter introducing the Sphereworld and its "origin"... followed then by the standard chapter one, two, three, etc...

And...

This being a planned 3 e-book story of which this is
SPHEREWORLD BOOK 1 - The hand of god.

Starting out as a 3 part story of each chap then later as each book is coming to a closure I had planned on releasing 1 new hidden part of the chapters with each new book, But I my self is to curious, to not begin write on the two hidden side stories and reveal them as I feel for it.

Upcoming in tha future

SPHEREWORLD BOOK 2 - The hands of god.
and
SPHEREWORLD BOOK 3 - The face of god.